Fat-Shaming: ❌Not Helpful, Not Okay.

Fat-Shaming: ❌Not Helpful, Not Okay.

In the last week, I wrote on Skinny Shaming and now on fat-shaming, cause it goes both ways.

“Thinking doesn’t hurt. Words do. Words have the power to heal. Words have the power to kill.” – Anne Maledon

The people that most often body shame are family members and men.

Family members would not have seen you in a while and the first thing they’d do when they see you is to give unsolicited comments about your body; ”You look like a grandma.” ”Ahanah you’re bigger than me now” Don’t you think you should reduce your weight?” ”You eat too much.” ”Eat less, gym more.”

Men – There’s so much to say on this, I remember when one of my married aunties who hasn’t given birth was told to trim down because if she isn’t careful, her husband will cheat and go after ‘slim girls’. Keep it in mind that her husband is fat and has a potbelly, why didn’t they advice him to watch his weight so she won’t cheat.

So many women are forced to compulsorily join the gym after child birth because their husband keeps ringing it in their ear that they married them slim.

Everyone should watch the Nollywood movie ‘Size 12’. The scriptwriter gave us a clear demonstration of how plus size women put up with body shaming in relationships and engagement.

We have all met “body shamers” it’s either as a joke or as bants, I spoke to people who have experienced fat-shaming to talk about it.

1. Fiponmile

I grew up super skinny, most people find it hard to believe, but my parents stuffed me with food and supplements to add even a little bit of flesh

Most people that always said I was too skinny changed tunes when I started getting bigger and at a very little age I became conscious about how I looked and how I felt, sneaky little comments like ”orobo”, ”fatty bumbum” and all of that, and I would take my food to school and decide not to eat it, this same food they had to stuff me with to add a little bit of flesh

Most people have their stories and I definitely have mine too, you just don’t call out people for their sizes because you feel they are not doing anything about it, I have eaten once a day for three months, fasted, and took only water for 30 days multiple times just in a bid to fit the world’s standard of what sexy should be

I had PCOS and decided to control it with contraceptives and that made me blow up more, lived in doubt, and most probably ashamed of wearing whatever I wanted to wear because someone somewhere would think it is cool to fat shame someone and just make a comment that could go a long way in ruining someone’s day or even go as far as making someone commit suicide

I cried almost every night while water fasting because I was doing this not because I wanted to as much but just to feel good about myself in some type of way

Even Kim Kardashian still wants a banging body, we can all not achieve that standard of the perfect body we all desire, and the moment we realize that we need to love the body we are in to make it get better, the faster we are on the path to gaining confidence

Most fat shamers have their insecurities and they are just sad they can’t be as confident as you are

Pick up those tight Jeans, pick up the crop top, pick up the bodycon and smack it on that fat body of yours with befitting shapewear, after all, that’s what shape wears are meant for

Surround yourself with people that would make you more confident and not friends that would still drop comments about your fupa or cellulitis.

2. Lolo

So a lot of people call me LOLO with so much pride and grace because as they expect that’s what the name qualifies me as. Growing up as a dark-skinned plus-sized girl was tough!! Very tough!!

Generally, society places some kind of standard on their definition of beauty thereby qualifying just the light-skinned girls as very pretty, so lol there was me struggling to be accepted as beautiful due to my color and size.

I remember vividly so many times in my primary school when teachers even though I rarely spoke in class would force me to play roles of the “queen” or “mother” in class dramas because they’d say she is too big for her age so the audience can tell without costume what role she is playing.

One time during my graduation from primary to secondary school, my class teacher specifically called me name during a group picture and said I should move to the back that I was spoiling to outlook of the pictures she said in my native language Igbo,

”Nwa buru ibu jee n’azu ina emebi photo Biko asi unu redebe nri unu ajuu” which means;

”That fat girl go to the back you are spoiling this picture if they ask you people to stop eating you people would refuse.”

At that moment she killed something in me with those words because I stopped taking pictures with people, not even my family, I couldn’t take group pictures cause I felt I look really ugly and I’d ruin people’s pictures.

I also instantly began to withdraw myself from people because I didn’t want to be that ugly fat friend. Lol, I even remember one time I was asked what I wanted to be in secondary school and I said I wasn’t exactly certain but I knew I wanted to be in the media house, entertainment sector then I was outrightly told I won’t make it because of my size(nobody wants a fat host or tv girl) Even with the issue of friendship lol a lot of people didn’t want to hang with the fat girl lol.

A couple of times I have answered questions nobody could answer in class or won different competitions and all people can say is “you don’t even look intelligent, you know fat people are too Mumu ish, etc, I have doubtlessly been judged by my size a lot of times.

A lot of opportunities people have refused to give me because of my size. I had refused to even take photos still because of my size(I have not a single full picture of myself even till this point I’m struggling to fix that) I remember times I’d just break down and start to cry uncontrollably because nobody wanted to be with me both male and female, I felt I wasn’t good enough or that important.

How can I even forget one time a lady in secondary sold a Chinese cream to me telling me it would help me lose instant weight and every day I’d apply this cream and sweat to school from 7 am to 2:40 pm afterward I’d shower and apply it again for afternoon tutorials. This cream used to hurt me a lot that it even left scars that I have up till this day.

I remember applying this cream one evening and burning up that I had to rush to the dining hall just to stand under the fan, how can I also forget how men I rejected even up till date now turn around to fat shame me saying ”see this girl we are trying to help, do you think anybody will like you like this” some even go further by insulting my boobs calling them the fallen walls of Jericho, they’d talk about my cellulite.

With my body type and size, I have dealt with a lot genuinely. I only realized after an experience I had with a friend who is late now that;

people like to criticize and break what they don’t understand, can’t be, and can’t have but that won’t work unless I let them.”

After that, I have vowed never to look at myself as less than the best! Yes, I have my insecurities but one thing is I never let the next person take control of them and how they make me feel. Even after I have completely accepted and learned to fall in love with my entire being I still battle with fat shaming but most times not directly anymore, now what I have to deal with is people feeling the urge to call me confident because of how I am dressed or how bold I am. I am called confident because I have decided to show off the skin which includes stretch marks but a size 10 girl with a body built like Kylie isn’t called confident for putting on similar outfits! I’m battling now with people commenting on my outfit and carriage as a big girl! I have decided to pick the crown and wear it gracefully on my head. I took the role of queen I was assigned in my class during primary school as my real-life role hence the name “LOLO”. Call it whatever you want, fat, big, plus size but I always say some girls are bigger than the others and I’m on the BIG team, PEROIDTT!!!!!”

3. Anonymous

“My fat shaming experience is not something I find myself discussing every time, but here is a rare opportunity.

Anyways, I’ve been fat for quite a while, since high school. Once my math teacher was like, with the way you are getting fat ehn, I doubt you’ll be able to pass through the door in SS3. Lol, I still passed through the door.

Another one, you’re fatter than your mum, don’t you want to be looking young like her when you grow up? Some aunties, church members, traders will not allow you to be fat in peace.

Unfortunately, this was the story of my life year in year out, the one that even pissed me off the most was someone that I didn’t even give a shit about, telling one of my family members to tell me to lose weight, you know what, just say it to my face coward, why hide?

Well, every fat person has actually gone through the stage where they decide to lose weight, and I was not an exception so I tried countless weight-loss diets, cried myself to sleep when those didn’t work out, did fit fam, which wasn’t sustainable because I  desperately wanted it to work like magic, and then the part that I regret the most was drinking the concoction, like OMG, only God knows what they were made of.

It was a crazy struggle.

But it’s not all bad, because the beautiful part of it was that I never lost myself in all that negativity; Like God is so great because it would have been another wahala for me.

Right now, no one can use my body to shame me mostly because I’ve accepted myself and built strong confidence that makes me happy and I began to live a healthy lifestyle which has been going on for three years and counting.

Lol, I’m not slim now o, not even close but I am happy because I’m confident and I can build my self-esteem every day whilst shutting out negativity.”

4 – A.N

This body-shaming thing is really bad because it affects the mental health of the victim, your self-esteem and self-confidence drops

Early April 2020, I had appendicitis surgery done.. of course, I lost weight cos I was sick and my sickness or surgery was something I couldn’t tell everybody.

I posted a picture just when I started to get better and you need to see the negative comments ” you’ve slimmed down oh” ‘you’re looking malnourished oh” ” you were better when you were fat oh” ” see how your neck is long” ” your collar bone is popping out”.

At first, I tried to block it out, it worked for a little while then I couldn’t help it, the comments started getting to me, I started overeating, I made protein shakes every 3 days to drink… I was down and sad cos I didn’t want to explain to these people and they didn’t just stop.

I got over it tho! I took walks, did some exercises, and most especially my boyfriend was always by my side encouraging me and complimenting me (this boosted my self-esteem)😍😁

With time I got back to my normal weight… Guess what!😂 People still had stuff to say ” I preferred you when you were slimmer” ” you’re becoming too fat”, etc… It didn’t matter cos I learned how to shut out negativity 😁.

Remember the example of the black panther 🤦, people body-shamed him till he died, the truth came out and people wished they hadn’t said all they said.

I learned that people will always talk

Ignore them and focus on what’s makes you happy

My boyfriend would say “always do you”🥰

5. Anonymous

I was a pretty chubby kid growing up. I won’t say fat because that would seem somewhat harsh lol. Well, I’d been fat-shamed many times before, over the littlest things. I mean my saving grace was that I was also a really smart kid

So I’d get called out for basic things. “You can’t run, na because say you fat now”, “you dey talk rubbish, na because say you fat”. I’d told my dad about all that many times before. He’d always say, ” if they call you fat tell them its because your father can afford it

I was a cool kid and all. Pretty smart and really funny too but what I hated most about school were the fatty jokes

My friends probably didn’t see it as a big deal then but it was to me. I hated it and I’d tried to get them to stop but they just wouldn’t

On some days I wasn’t comfortable being in school. I began to work out and lose a lot of weight. Finally did it. I don’t fat or skinny shame people. I’ve been there and I know it doesn’t feel nice”

6. Adunsss

“It became apparent to me that there was something inherently wrong with being fat. It was unequivocal; The revolting stares, the loud whispers, the distinctive treatment, and the churlish comments. How does a ten-year-old make sense of something so ugly and vile? Oh, but I managed to.

I mean, I was forced to. It was Auntie Kemi telling me that I would find it extremely difficult to find love if I continued to grow fatter. “Who will marry you like this ?” she asked. Dare I forget Uncle Dave’s generous advice to limit my food intake to “once or twice a day, at most.” There was also the comforting feeling I felt from being called “doughnuts” by my ever-thoughtful friends.

I was caving in, and I hadn’t realized. For so many years, I dealt with the detriment of being fat. I could not even look at my own body. The cradle of my soul and the only place that was meant to be my stomping ground was inhabitable for me. How was I to even love and care for it the way I should.

Well, I’m a twenty-two year old, dare I say, a beautiful woman now. My body is sacred. It is not a dumping ground for people’s insecurities, neither is it a place for people to carve out their perception of perfection. I am living in the truth that my body, in herself and by herself, is perfect.”

7. Anonymous

“Fat shaming is probably the most painful thing ever when there is absolutely nothing you can do about it, it’s the way God created you and some human beings expect you to change overnight.

I have always been a fat person right from birth, it’s difficult because when everyone in your family is looking like the next top-rated model and you are looking exactly like you are in your mid-twenties when you are only 18yrs old.

It’s difficult when you even try to lose weight by nothing eating and skipping meals and do intermittent fasting.

It’s either 1-0-0

Or 0-0-0

During festivals or important events like birthdays, you are asked to cut down on some calories you are going to eat for that day.

Another thing, when you think you are so much in love with someone and you ask them for a birthday gift especially a dress or something, they tell you to lose weight before they can give it to you.

I have met boys who would approach me and tell me how much they love me just because I’m thick, as we get to know each other better, they tell me if I can lose some weight

And ask me

To hit the gym if I can

P.s-they want me looking slim thick.

And sometimes it’s really painful because they go meet the slimmer ladies.

Fat shaming is terrible I have had so many experiences I can’t even remember which till today I ask God why did I come to through the world as “a fat baby”

There are beautiful dresses I want to wear but can’t wear because once I expose my body, someone will walk up to me and say ”I’m not my sister.”

Her body fits everything, not mine.

Or when your mother insults you for just trying to have some cookies and says your Brain is demanding food, meaning I have “food eating disorder”

These are painful experiences that make you wanna drink sniper and just go to heaven straight.

Also, eating has become very difficult for me because when I eat the next thing I think is I’m going to get fat, I work out regularly and nothing seems to happen.

It’s can be very painful

With these few points of mine that I have been able to pen down, you can see well what fat people go through.”

You don’t have to make a comment on everything, stop giving unsolicited comments on people’s bodies.

Stop making people feel insecure on the things they cannot control about themselves.

All pictures were from Pinterest 🤍

Thank you for reading,

Please drop a comment on it

Love always,

Eyilayo🍫✨